14. Lost without you

June 7, 2014

After work, the day after my grandma passed away, I decided that I did not want to deal with all the huge changes in my life, but to party instead. And when we leave God and begin to knowingly sin, not having a care in the world, we come to find out that it is a vicious spiral down.

I left work the morning of June 7th and didn’t open up a devotional until June 13th.

My ex-boyfriend was working to bring us back together and I wanted no part of it, my grandma was gone and I was moving across the country for full time graduate school. All of the things I thought were going to happen, the things I planned were simply just gone. No wedding, no engagement, no Arizona CRNA school, and no Arizona house. God was taking me somewhere else. A glass of wine quickly turned in to a bottle, which turned into a party…

June 13, 2014: My journal entry


“Wow. I cannot believe I let a week go by without spending time with you. As you know I have sinned greatly. Lord, I need you and only you. I desire to get to know you better and continue growing our relationship. What do you want for my life? Is Damien the one, my husband? Am I making a big mistake? Only you know and only your Word matters Lord. How I’ve missed you even though I know you’ve heard all my prayers and cries. Thank you for bringing my grandma peace. God you are so good. I trust you with my life. Lead me Lord, Keep me the course. I need your grace. In Jesus name, Amen.” 

June 14, 2014: 

I continued my studying of the word of God ready to get back into my daily patterns and to focus more on actually opening my Bible.

James 4: 13-14: “Now listen, you who say, “‘today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.'” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” Hmmm…The Lord speaks.

Ever feel like you are in a holding pattern? A time of waiting with undetermined outcomes and nebulous timelines…

I sure did but God reminded me that our true character is revealed when prayers seem unanswered and God seems far away. This testing of our faith stretches our endurance. My holding pattern and yours is part of a great story. He will always, always come through.

Trust His plan.

It is in our imperfections, our falls, our sin, our sadness, & our confusion when we come to realize that when there’s nowhere else to go, and no one to turn to, we have God. It is Him and only Him, that can turn all circumstances and mistakes for good. Are you willing to get back up?

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for your forgiveness and love. Thank you for your presence, your Word of truth and of life. Thank you for your continued protection, power and grace over our lives and for never leaving us as you found us. Help us to be patient, to be still and to wait for you. How blessed we are that the whole world is in your hands. May our faith continue to stand strong when washed in adverse waters and may our hope in you never fade when hit with stormy weather. Thank you for our lives and thank you for giving us a purpose on your earth. I love you Father. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.


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