12. Messages & Phone Calls cont…

My mom continues to care for my grandma who is declining with Alzheimer’s disease and I just found out I was accepted to CRNA school!! Unfortunately though I just ended my 10 year relationship to the man I had planned to marry last month. Slightly overwhelmed but still I continued daily prayers and devotionals with and to God.

June 4, 2014:

One of my good friends, Kirstyn, whom I had met back in Baltimore was already in the CRNA program I had applied to. She was the one who referred me to the program and helped me out with the interview process. I still remember her screams of excitement when I called her and told her I was accepted.

This evening I had just finished reading and writing in my journal and God immediately spoke to me and told me to call her. She didn’t answer so I texted her because I really wanted her to receive my message:

“Hey girl! I was just sitting here praying and thinking….do you remember where we were 1 year ago? We were sitting in Baltimore, working our butts off, unhappy, broke, living in a studio apartment together trying to find direction, peace and happiness. I was super sick and on steroids and you were barely holding it together working nights and working to get into CRNA school. Now here we are, you have a year in to school already under your belt and I just got in. Wow. how things can change in just a year…”

A few hours later she called me back agreeing with all I said, excited for what’s to come and she said: “The energy and excitement you feel right now. Hold on to it. There will come a time in this program where you will feel tired, and defeated and you will have to know why you are doing this. Right now I want you to get out a piece of paper and write down everything you feel in this moment so when it gets tough you can always look at it. And, I am so happy you are moving here. I have been praying to God for a friend and I’m so happy he sent me you.”

That week she had found us a 2 bedroom apartment, paid the fees and we both signed the lease. She also referred me to her staffing agency. God was already checking things off my list: I had housing and a possible job. I was to stay in her 1 bedroom for a couple weeks and then we would move across the parking lot to a newly, refurbished 2 bedroom. God IS GOOD!

As I sat to write, I had my gospel music on and one of my favorite songs began playing, I Understand by Smokie Norful: “When you can’t hear my voice then trust my plan. One more day, one more step, I’m preparing you for myself…”

My Entry after the phone call:

9:39pm. In this moment I am standing outside on my balcony, my dog in my arms, the desert heat at my back, and my face to the light of the sky. So far I’ve come, looking out to the sky, watching planes land safely and learning to never doubt God’s plan for me.

I have been accepted into CRNA school and I just got off the phone with my good friend Kirstyn–I hope she knows she has lightened my load.

Though much remains uncertain and undone at this point–goodbyes, the move, work, money, my grandma–I remain strong in my faith and trust in the Lord. I know He understands.

My career as an RN I hope to think was everything I wanted it to be. I got to lightly touch every goal I had made. Began my leadership journey and was able to guide, teach, and help the sick, wounded, confused and scared. Now I stand at the cusp of a brand new career ready and prepared as I take God’s strength into new territory. 

God put a dream of becoming a nurse in my heart from day 1, I followed Him, I lost Him, I found Him and now God has whispered in my ear to help others reach their dreams, their full potential. And it starts with discovering and living my own. 

To whom much has been given, much is expected. I must act on all knowledge given to me by God.

My reasons for becoming a CRNA go far beyond touching patient’s lives, it goes deep to believing in God and who I can help along the way. What would God have me do today? When I’m tired, will I give up or will I stand? God has given me great responsibility over people’s lives which I do not take lightly. He has blessed me far beyond my mind can even comprehend and He also loves me. He will see me through desert wastelands to restorative and transforming sanctuaries. By His mercy and grace I will not fail. I may be in the heat of the battle but I’m a warrior of God.

Nothing will and shall keep me from my God-given dreams. To act prudent and responsibly with the lives of others, to speak only good, to serve and honor others, to communicate effectively and consciously and to place God first above all else.

I want all of this because God wants this for me. Because He has a greater plan for me far beyond my comprehension. Because to whom much is given much is expected. Because I was made to produce much, much, much more fruit. 

I sit at the right hand of the Father and He fills my cup. I will go on. STAY THE COURSE!


Grab a notebook. If you’re not comfortable talking to God, write to him… That’s what I did and continue to do. Every knee shall bow,but you gotta start the conversation… He is ready and willing and so wants to hear from you. Seek Him, Call out His name, write down what’s on your heart and be prepared for His answer and be willing to receive His love.




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