December 2013/January 2014:
I left God behind.
I forgot about God. I ignored Him because I was scared He wouldn’t approve of what I wanted to do. I feared He would get in my way.
- My Plans for 2014:
- Move to Arizona with my dog and work as a travel nurse in the ER (check). (God gave me the job I wanted, in fact he gave me two jobs, and I chose based on what I wanted and thought was best.)
- Get married in May 2014 to my boyfriend of 10 years (he had the ring, waiting for proposal)
- Buy a house/condo
- Attend Nurse anesthesia (CRNA) school at Midwestern University in Phoenix, AZ
Whose got a list and is checking it twice? Who has a written document of everything you want to accomplish in your life? How many of you live your day, actually your life, by your to-do list and panic when you have misplaced it or have misplaced your phone? Do you sweat when plans change and when you look at your list 2 things aren’t
According to my mom when I was 5 years old I would wake up and list every single thing I was going to do that day. Yes, I am very, very much type A and like to have control.
Nonetheless, I packed my bags, hugged my parents goodbye, hopped onto a flight to Arizona, and took off with my dog ready for my life to change! Nothing could go wrong. All my dreams were coming true!
Two weeks later I found myself unhappy and miserable laying in a pool of my own tears. I spent $1200 on my dog who had injured her back and was in constant pain, I hated my new job and didn’t mesh with my co-workers, my boyfriend and I fought every single day which was difficult when I longed for his support, and I had no internet. I was miserable, angry, unhappy, and felt very much alone in the middle of the desert.
My thoughts consumed me and ate me alive. How many times in my life will I allow myself to be in this position? Why was I always here, in a different state or city crying and angry? Why was I never truly happy? I mean I had everything…a great career and a resume that would get me in anywhere I wanted, an amazing family and circle of friends, a roof over my head, food to eat, I was never lacking… yet I always ran in this same circle of exhaustion chasing happiness and my dreams only to end up feeling like a complete failure.
I was TIRED. There had to be a better way.
I started to pray again and realized that God was speaking to me loud and clear. Question was, this time would I do something different? This time would I listen to Him? Would I change and would I work to sustain change?
I left God behind. BUT He never left me.
Where are you in your faith today? Are you having one of those days where it feels as if everything is falling apart no matter how large or small your problems are? Have you asked God for help?
I thank You for my life and I thank You for this day and all the blessings You have laid before me. May You open my eyes and heart so that I may see and receive Your love. Although, it has been quite some time since I have spoken to You or acknowledged You, I know You are always near. It seems my path is dark and fruitless and hopeless but I know that as my Father, you are good and are ever reconciling and redeeming and forgiving. Lord help me return back to Your arms, return home where I can be healed and renewed in Your loving presence. I know the invitation to return to You always stands and today I am accepting it. I will not allow the pace of my life to out-do the pace of my time with You. Guide my course and allow me to rest in Your finished work. In Jesus name, Amen.